Meaning – Spirituality 1 (#11)

Posted by on May 18, 2014 in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

I am daring to explore a subject that may easily triggers controversies, this subject being spirituality.

I already explained how I lost what is called religious faith around 18-19 years old, and that for me it wasn’t good news. I tried to replace faith by philosophy, then by psychology; my life’s objective would become the understanding of the essence of human being. Since I wasn’t in touch with my basic affective regulatory systems to guide me, I had to find a noble goal in order to make my life worth living (a backlash of language).

For a few months I tried very hard to define myself as a world’s observer in search of an incarnate meaning (sounds pretty neurotic!), but felt quite alone after a while — at least I learned very clearly that I needed connections to significant others, there was no way around. So I chose to simplify things and give better odds to happiness: for many years my family and my professional life became the center of my preoccupations. I had given up then the search of a meaning that could integrate and transcend my human values, a more essential perspective of the universe in which we are embodied. Since in my personal story that search had been linked to painful psychological issues, I opted for avoidance of those issues for many years (approximately from 20 to 50 years old).

While I was getting around 50, two unexpected (really?) circumstances resuscitated (Pierre, be careful in your choice of words!) “la Quête du St-Graal”.

1)    My friend Louis encouraged me to read A brief story of everything by Ken Wilber. As with René Girard in Things hidden since the foundation of the world, such a choice of title entails that you’re better to be good or you’ll look pretentious… or thoughtless. Those two authors honor their promises, simply brilliant!

2)    I decided to trek in Nepal in 2001 and my oldest daughter joined the expedition. I didn’t realize at the time that I had a hidden agenda; my quest for meaning was sneaking in, even if I wasn’t aware of it – a subprogram running under the cover.

 

Ken Wilber opened a door to me: we may include knowledge from physics, biology, anthropology, psychology, philosophy, neurosciences (and more) in a what could still be described as a form of spiritual quest, something that goes beyond our day to day preoccupations and our familiar intentional world (although we still have to take them into account). I was back to my late teens years, but the perspective has been enlarged and there was now more breathing space.

In order to make sure I wouldn’t get stuck again in idealized others’ rules, I self-proclaimed by my own self-authority (which by the way is a personal rule – don’t give me any power on you) that every new constructions of meaning I would make had to be associated with an embodied coherence – simply stated, it had to make sense to me personally whatever the notoriety of the person I am reading or listening to. The first victim (but he doesn’t know it) of that new rule was a renowned Zen Master whose opinion on psychology and consciousness appeared unsophisticated to me.

I didn’t realize when I headed for Nepal that there was an unknown subprogram running without my awareness of it, a wished contact with Eastern religions or philosophies – although it is hard to take distance from a Christian symbolic matrix when on your first day of trekking your life gets on a string between a snake and a tree (this one is from my Jungian matrix)!

Anyway, I didn’t find any response to my personal quest in Nepal (a wonderful trip though); I think it would have been the same story elsewhere in the world – you can’t find outside what is inside (this has been said so many times already, but you have to feel it experientially).

But, when back home, something had changed. I could feel that “la Quête du St-Graal” was back on track. Even if my soothing/connection and go and get systems (see post Meaning 3) were now receiving excellent nutrition in my life, I needed something more. I decided to go to a Zen Center and meditate regularly. As you already know I couldn’t stand for long the views of the Master, but I meditate every day since; an extraordinary gift to myself. The instructions that I follow are simple: just be there and open to any experience that pops up without getting hooked in that experience (mindfulness).

Meditation, psychological inquiry, exploration of paradigms from multiple schools of knowledge, and discussions with other interested persons are the important tools of my spiritual quest. In the next post, I will share with you where I am now in that quest (don’t worry, nothing esoteric).

 

pcousineau